Breaking Up With Someone You Are Still In Love With

It’s not that I am leaving because I don’t love you. Not for a second will I let anyone think that I didn’t love you. Not for a second will I let anyone think that I’m choosing to close this door because it’s something I want to do.

It was supposed to be me and you. For as long as I looked into my future, I pictured doing it with you.

I pictured an amazing life full of adventure, laughter, and love. That’s what everyone longs for right?

Well guess what, it didn’t work that way. I didn’t get my happy ending. The fairytale didn’t end with me and you.

Instead, it ended with me gasping for air as I cried in my room praying that everything would work out.

Every single time things started getting back to the me and you that I fell in love with, I was let down.

I have put you first for so long, I have forgotten what it feels like to put myself first.

I got so caught up in loving you and what it took to try and get the happy ending that I wanted that I forgot the most important part; how to love myself.

I lost myself in loving you. I wasn’t tending to my own wants and needs. I wasn’t doing what was best for me. I began doing whatever it took to hold onto the idea in my head that things would end with me and you. Me and you. Funny huh?

But it’s time that I wake up. It’s time that I wake up and realize that the person I fell in love with, isn’t there anymore. The person I fell in love with who made me the center of their world, isn’t there anymore. It pains me to admit that.

In the meantime, I’ve been fighting for someone who isn’t there. I’ve been fighting SO hard to get the old you back, that I lost the old me in the process.

I stopped loving myself. I stopped doing things for me.

It’s time that changes.

It’s time I learn to love myself again. It’s time I get the old me back.

So, no. I’m not leaving because I don’t love you. I’m leaving because it’s time that I learn to love myself more.


Wednesday, May 10: Dealing With Difficult Moments

I am not sure how life can be so good, so perfect, and then all of a sudden a light switch goes off and life’s like, “okay time to put you through hell now”. Or at least that’s how I have felt these last couple of months, or rather ever since the start of 2017. Once 2017 hit it was like God has decided to test me in every way possible.

It’s not that I don’t trust him, because I do. But boy, have I been tested.

Although, in the midst of all of the pain and suffering life has thrown my way, it has truly made me appreciate the gift of life. We can either live our lives to the fullest, or dwell and always ask God, “Why me”, which I know, seems like the easier alternative sometimes.

During my meditation this morning, it had me repeat “May I learn to meet my pain with mercy and compassion. May I learn to meet the difficulties in my life, in a kind and compassionate way”. That right there really spoke to me. I think God was pulling a trick up his sleeve with that one, he knew exactly what I needed to hear.

You see, healing comes in waves. And you know, maybe today the waves hit the rocks, and that’s okay. That’s okay darling, you are still healing. There is beauty in pain and coming out stronger on the other side. I think the most beautiful people must go through hell first to see the beauty in this life.

God is working his magic in you in ways that are nearly impossible to see at times. Trust the process my love. I always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God.

In the words of my loving Grandmother during her last days after being diagnosed with lung cancer, “Shit Happens”. She truly saw the light heartedness in every situation. Her courageous spirit keeps me going, because anyone who can bluntly say “shit happens” while going through absolute hell, is a hero of mine.


In loving memory of my Nana: January 1, 1945 – May 7, 2017


P.S. Meditation app I use is called Meditation Studio. (Not sponsored I have like 3 followers so chill).

Just wanted to share :)

Thoughts For May


As I sit here and reflect on what April has brought upon me, I wrote up some thoughts or rather ideas/goals that I want to bring into May. And while I should be studying for finals, I thought I would share these thoughts with you instead. ((Procrastination at its finest ladies & gents)) Also I thought I was clever for naming this “Thoughts For May”, it’s kind of like “Thoughts Of The Day” but “Thoughts For May”….GET IT? HAHA okay dumb joke. Anyways, maybe you can implement some positive vibes/ideas or get inspiration from mine for the month of May and make it a good month <3 xo



  • Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference really.
  • Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers.
  • Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the really sweet fruit is.
  • Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly enough time as we all do, just get your priorities straight.
  • Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly.
  • Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
  • Don’t waste time grieving over the past. Learn from it and move on as best you can.
  • Work hard, but don’t let work take over your life, you will lose yourself.
  • Give people a second chance, but not a third.
  • Learn to listen to your body.
  • Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself.
  • When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.
  • DO NOT compare yourself to others, that is deadly.
  • Let go of whatever is stealing your happiness, it’s hard but it is worth it. Trust me.

And darling, if all else fails, please be happy. Learn to be in the sunlight and let the rays hit your contagious smile. Learn to love yourself, even in your darkest days. You owe yourself that love that you so freely give to other people. After-all, self love is the greatest middle of finger of all time. And in the end, all we really have is ourselves.

Be yourself today. You look beautiful like that.


Cute, AFFORDABLE, Outfit Idea: Day In The City!

Hi lovies! I thought I would throw together a super cute and AFFORDABLE (ahhh my favorite word) outfit idea for you! This look costs under $90 for the WHOLE outfit!

You don’t have to be rich to have cute fashion pieces! I hope this inspires those of you out there who think fashion HAS to be expensive to be cute. You can leave people thinking you have money, when really your shoes were only $20…say WHAAAT! Trust me, being a poor college student…I got this “look like I have a lot of money type of fashion” thing on LOCK!

Enjoy xo <3

Chocker: Forever 21 $6

Bracelet: Charlotte Russe $3

Sunglasses: Forever 21 $10

Clutch: Forever 21 $12

Dress: Forever 21 $15

Jacket: American Eagle $20 (ORIGINALLY $70 that was on sale for 60% plus an additional 25%!! I love surprise sales)

Boots: Marshalls $20









Happy Shopping! <3

Journal Entry: February 24, 2017

There came a moment when I realized that I would never be able to actually heal, if I didn’t get brutally honest with myself. And though, I prided myself on saying that I was a good woman, it was time to get real–how good of a woman could I have possibly been if I was sticking by the sides of men who were treating me so badly? Sure I did everything that a “good woman” was supposed to do for her man, but what I hadn’t been doing, was everything that a good woman is supposed to do for herself. Like walking away from someone who was hurting me more than they were loving me.

Now, I could have thrown myself a pity party in my moment of honesty, that would have been easy; because let’s face it-which women on this earth wants to think that maybe she wasn’t so good after all? But I didn’t. Instead I decided to work on a new beginning. It was time to shed my old skin made of denial and blame, and wear my new one made of accountability and truth; because if I ever wanted to have a real good man in my life, I needed to first learn how to be a real good myself.


Hey guys! Thanks so much for watching. I hope this video brings you happiness and a sense of knowing that you are not alone, with whatever you may be going through.

“One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.”

Let’s be friends gurlllll:
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In the Midst of Life

Life can seem crazy hectic at times. Between finals, work, the busyness of Christmas, I have come to the reality that life really knows how to kick your you know what sometimes. Most of the time. Every day actually.

You might fail a final you’ve studied hours for. Customers at work may take their bad moods out on you. You might feel like a walking zombie most days.

But you are going to be OK.

I could tell you don’t be afraid, but that’s stupid. Be terrified.

Just don’t be afraid about things you should not be afraid of, like what as*#oles think about you. While you’re on this planet, I really recommend just being the weirdest, loudest, most honest you, you can be.

You might as well just love sloppy, and dress crazy, and say outrageous things that don’t hurt people’s feelings because if you hurt people’s feelings, well my friend, then you are the as*#ole I just told you to not fear.

Look, be fabulous and fearless all you want.

Everything is going to be OK.

Things are scary, but they could be worse. Actually, they’re going to get worse. If the Ebola doesn’t get you, the decapitations will. You will fall on the tracks and a train will eat you.

Hell, you might even die in your sleep at 100 years old. Although, in my experience, when you read about how someone died surrounded by loved ones, what’s really happening is that someone died while their loved ones were outside chain smoking.

It’s not like I’m not optimistic.

The future holds wonders and miracles for people who will probably not be born for hundreds of years. Man, it would be great to be a brain suspended inside a giant biomechanical spider. I could probably visit Mars.

But right now, at this moment, things are OK.

Check in tomorrow for an update. Tomorrow, everything might be mega-f’d-up.

Here’s some more truth:

I think you’re doing the best you can do, and your best is pretty great. Don’t give up. Failure is just success with morning breath and bed head.

The most exciting stories are the ones with heroes who don’t think they can go on, but they do.

Sometimes they have friends. I think there’s a law that you can’t quest without three or four trusted companions. I think one of them has to be an archer, and one of them has to be a demolitions expert. Find your Avengers. Conquer fears together. Fight dragons. Make art. Ugh. Make as much art as possible — theater, painting, children, whatever. Anyway, these people are your family.

Never listen to people who say “no worries,” because, yes worries. All the worries. AIDS. ISIS. IRS. What the f*#k do you mean “no worries”? Hey, instead of smiling a serial killer clown smile and saying “no worries,” try just producing a guttural groan and you’ll feel much better. This is the most honest thing anyone can say about life.


Never listen to anyone who doles out “tough love,” because there is no such thing as “tough love.” Love isn’t tough. Love is indestructible. Love is made out of adamantium and star lava. Since love cannot be destroyed, love is gentle. Love is nice.

Everything is going to be OK.

There will be suffering. There will also be these moments when everything works out, and your mom is happy, and you have money in the bank, and you’re doing exactly what you want to be doing, even if it is for a moment.

Then there will probably be more suffering.

But remember that delicious slice of thank you life sandwiched between that old ouch and the current one?

You might get sick. Your dream might not come true. But everything will be OK because, and I’m NOT hitting on you, but you’re freaking good-looking when you’re struggling, fighting, enduring.

Like, your soul is beautiful. The pain will pass. One way or another.




When I Say I Want To Travel..


When I say I want to travel

I don’t mean I want to stay at resorts and go on tours with tour guides or buy key chains from souvenir shops.

I don’t want to be a tourist.

When I say I want to travel

I mean I want to explore another country and become part of it.


I want to discover small coffee shops in Germany and Italy and Paris.


I want to walk on beaches in Thailand and see how the sunsets on the other side of the world.


I want to walk around each street, get lost, and run into unexpected sights.


I want to go cliff diving in Australia and snorkeling on the coasts.


I want to meet people who are not like me, but people who I can like all the same.


I want to take pictures and videos of everything.

People. Places. Food. Random Streets.

I want my mind to be in constant awe of this life and all it has to offer.


I want to learn things about myself and adapt to a new atmosphere.

I want to meet lifelong friends and people who I can relate to on such a real level.


I want to see things with an open mind, new eyes.


I want to look at a map and be able to remember how I was transformed by the places I’ve been to, the things I’ve seen, the people I’ve met along the way.

I want to come home and realize that I have not come home whole,

But have left a piece of my heart in each place I have been.

20 Things I Didn’t Learn Until I Lived On My Own

Ooohhhh adulthood. So nice to meet you….


Here are a few things I have learned along the way on my lovely journey out in the real world:

  1. When the items in your refrigerator get low, they do not refill themselves. Wait, you mean I have to go out and buy these things?
  2. If you leave your laundry in the dryer for too long, the wrinkles will remain there until you wash those clothes again. I say this as I sit and type this instead of getting up and taking out clothes that have been in the dryer far too long now. See, it’s a learning process.
  3. You have to take care of yourself when you’re feeling sick. Mom, where you at thoooo?
  4. You have to actually plan the days you can go out. 1st of the month is coming up? Rent due? Better not go out…..*sigh*
  5. When something breaks you have to call the awkward maintenance guy. Or call your dad and make him come help you. Better alternative
  6. Pinterest recipes sound super fun at the time, and then end up being hours of wasted time and frustration because it doesn’t quite taste as good as your mom’s cooking. Let’s be real, it just doesn’t taste good. At all.
  7. Target is your new best friend. Wellllll, that kind of hasn’t changed. I think we are just super super besties now.
  8. Receiving a letter in the mail is no longer $20 from your grandma for birthdays/Christmas/or just because. Say hello to bills, junk, and more bills.
  9. You find yourself asking for home necessities for Christmas. You mean no more fun Christmas gifts? A new coffee pot, pots and pans, FOOD maybe..
  10. No matter how hard you try to eat healthy, you always end up at Chick-Fil-A. Organic food, vitamins, ehhh who needs em.
  11. You start to question prices in terms of hours you work. Is this new makeup palette worth 8 hours of work??
  12. You have to actually take out the trash. Or just let it sit there for two weeks until the smell just gets way too bad.
  13. You cringe every time you need to go grocery shopping. I think I can go another week on this lovely dinosaur egg oatmeal. We good.
  14. Your room does not clean itself. Your whole apartment doesn’t either.
  15. You’ll miss your parents even when you live just 40 minutes away from them. FaceTime becomes your best friend.
  16. A morning cup of coffee is one of the most expensive habits you can acquire. These K-Cups are like $20 dollars? What is this.
  17. It is even harder to go to school now. No one is there reminding you to go, it’s a choice you get to make on your own….binge watch Netflix or go to class. Hmmm…
  18. Netflix. That’s another thing. It is very dangerous.
  19. You find yourself calling your mom a lot every time you go grocery shopping. What do YOU think I need mom?
  20. There are just some days when you do not want to adult. I would say about 5 out of 7 days of the week….



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