It’s not that I am leaving because I don’t love you. Not for a second will I let anyone think that I didn’t love you. Not for a second will I let anyone think that I’m choosing to close this door because it’s something I want to do.
It was supposed to be me and you. For as long as I looked into my future, I pictured doing it with you.
I pictured an amazing life full of adventure, laughter, and love. That’s what everyone longs for right?
Well guess what, it didn’t work that way. I didn’t get my happy ending. The fairytale didn’t end with me and you.
Instead, it ended with me gasping for air as I cried in my room praying that everything would work out.
Every single time things started getting back to the me and you that I fell in love with, I was let down.
I have put you first for so long, I have forgotten what it feels like to put myself first.
I got so caught up in loving you and what it took to try and get the happy ending that I wanted that I forgot the most important part; how to love myself.
I lost myself in loving you. I wasn’t tending to my own wants and needs. I wasn’t doing what was best for me. I began doing whatever it took to hold onto the idea in my head that things would end with me and you. Me and you. Funny huh?
But it’s time that I wake up. It’s time that I wake up and realize that the person I fell in love with, isn’t there anymore. The person I fell in love with who made me the center of their world, isn’t there anymore. It pains me to admit that.
In the meantime, I’ve been fighting for someone who isn’t there. I’ve been fighting SO hard to get the old you back, that I lost the old me in the process.
I stopped loving myself. I stopped doing things for me.
It’s time that changes.
It’s time I learn to love myself again. It’s time I get the old me back.
So, no. I’m not leaving because I don’t love you. I’m leaving because it’s time that I learn to love myself more.